Voldie's Biggest Fan
by Food Fight
Summary: What happens when Voldemort gets a visit from his biggest, Muggle, fan? And what do Cookies of Doom have to do with all this?


_**Moldy's Biggest Fan**_

_**By (Both) Food and Fight**_

Third Person POV

In Voldie's 'Chamber of Doom' (The Riddle Residence), he was cooking up his latest scheme. Heart shaped cookies! Of evil, of course. To feed to Harry Potter. He would give them to him, Potter would think they were evil, go crazy, harm himself, and then figure out they were innocent! Voldemort would not even have to move from his chair! Driving him insane was so much fun…he really needed a hobby. Sewing, maybe. Not knitting. Those needles are dangerous! Oh, danger! Perfect! Knitting it is!

He would need to find himself a pair of reading glasses, though. And, of course perch them on the tip of his nose.

That would complete the look.

In through the doorway (he had it custom made to a Roman style) walked Luscious Malfoy. He looked cowardly, as usual, when he bowed before Voldie. His hair extensions accidentally fell on the floor. This revealed a shiny-bald Lucious.

"Master, your evilness, pardon me, but there is a strange muggle wacko in your lobby. She keeps going on and on about how she is 'your biggest fan' and 'wants to marry you one day'…"

While he was talking, Voldemort was thinking.

'Hmm, Your Evilness, great title. Note to self, post on blog that all Death Eaters are now to call me Your Evilness. Cookie Monster will do as well. I do love me some cookies!'

"Noooooooooooooo!" came a cry from the distance. A distraught Bellatrix came forward. She was obviously in the middle of making her cat bald. Again. Tibbles was in her left hang, half shaved, a electric men's razor in the other.

Voldie jolted out of his daze, and looked at Bellatrix's mad appearance. She was covered in the cat's electric blue hair. Poor Tibbles will never be the same again.

"Oh no she did-ent! The Dark Lord is mine! Mine, mine, mine! Ahhhhhhhh! I'm coming to get you! Run, girlie!!!"

She disappeared. Tibbles and the razor fell to the ground with a clatter. Well, the razor did. Tibbles made a sort of PLOP, if you know what I mean.

"Oh-kay?" Mold-Bread said slowly.

Wacko Muggle POV

"Omg, omg, OMG!" I yelled. "I'm in Voldemort's lobby of doom! OMG!!!!!!"

I was standing in the room I had only dreamed of. It was soooo spectacular; the candelier, the Sumerian doorways, and best of all, _HIS _GUARDS WERE ACTUALLY POINTING THEIR WANDS AT _ME_! EEK!

The door opened, smoke came out, followed by glitter that can only be emitted by powerful, gorgeous, evil, snake-like men. Men wearing emo robes.

Out through the doorway came…

A blur?

No, silly me.

It was a blur covered in cat hair!

Duh!

Tackled to the ground, I started screaming.

"Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE!!!" yelled my oh-so polite attacker (notice sarcasm, using sarcasm in HIS lobby, yay!). "The Dark Lord Cutie-Mort is mine forever. Mine, you hear me, mine!"

Bellatrix POV

In the distance, I heard a oven timer ring.

"My cookies are reeeeea-dyyyyyyyyyyyy! Yay for the chewy goodness that is COOKIE!"

Oh, man, I love that dude. I heard the doors of my lord's room open, as my stupid cousin-in-law, Malfoy (urgh), stumbled in. I was so happy to hear my master's voice through the open door, even though it was contaminated by _him_. In the distance, I heard Mal-coy yelling, "But you've got to see her! She is really there!!!"

"Shuttup!" said The Lord. "My cookies are rea-dy! Everybody want a coo-kie?"

The whole hall hushed and looked at HIM. Then, ran, took the tray, and ran away. The mob of followers was yelling something like "Mwahahahaha we got the chewy cookie that is an evil genius' pride! Now we can form a rebellion and rise above the Dark Lord! We will name him Voldie, instead!"

Harry Potter ran into the room, screaming "Nuh-Uh, I named him that first! My name, you got it! Mine!" He promptly ran away. I took a stick I found at the park (which I am convinced is a wand!) and Accio-ed him.

Nothing happened

My lord started sobbing.

"DON'T WORRY!" I yelled. "I WILL GET YOUR COOKIES BACK!"

I was gonna be brave!

Wako Muggle POV

I was still laying on the ground when I heard attacker. She was yelling about getting Dark Lord-I-Poo's cookies back. Maybe that would win him over? GASP! She was trying to win him over! And steal him from me! The only way to get close to him was getting close to the Death Eaters, so I volunteered myself.

"SO WILL I!!!"

**Author's Note**

**Hey, guys! This is Food, writing because Fight is in the shower. Hope you liked this story, we both COUGH*me*COUGH worked really hard to make this good. So make us happy children, well, teens, and REVIEW! Thanks a bunch! Also, story suggestions? It makes a story a whole lot better if we get your input on what YOU want to read! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer**

**All character, except the Muggle Wacko, belong to JK Rowling. The same goes for the setting in this chapter. All personalities are OOC, belonging to the author (Food) and her crazy helper monkey. Excuse Food as she hides while Fight showers, because she values her life. Fight will read this. Shudders.**

**Stories Related to This One**

**By the Author**

**Meet Potter, Voldie!**

**Christmas With Voldie and Harry**

**Diary of a Dark Lord**

**After Voldie**

**Another Note From the Author**

**This chapter is officially the longest we have ever written, at four pages on Word, size twelve! Yay! Anybody reading this do banners? I would love one for any of my fictions! I am sure Fight would too! Thanks a bunch, again! Now, waddle off, you have better things to do than read this! This concludes this chapter.**

**Or does it!**

***Scary music***


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